Hey, Can You Keep It Going Buddy?

I notice them now more than I used to. No, maybe that’s not true – I study them more than I used to. They seem to be everywhere. In a very strange twist, the sands of time have somehow committed this conspiracy against everyone I know. This shit’s supposed to happen to people I don’t know! What the hell!

Old people. I find myself echoing all the things old people said when I was young. Grumbling about prices, telling anyone who will listen ‘I remember when’ stories, complaining about the whole world going to hell in a hand basket, wondering whatever happened to civility and mutual respect, watching my kids roll their eyes whenever I tell another tall tale. You know, stuff old people do! Damn…

So, what’s the key to escaping these clichés? I’m for not admitting it, not acting like it, denying it satisfaction. There are some concessions that make sense, like letting younger people pick up really heavy objects or climbing high ladders – you know, generally higher risk stuff. Besides, who wants to do all that, anyway? You have to draw the line somewhere. Still, that line should only be grudgingly allowed to move.

There are things I want to prove, if only to myself, I can still do. Like hit a golf ball 250 yards, or still do more than 40 pushups or 15 pullups, stuff like that. There are certain physical thresholds I want to keep proving I can still stay above. But the old ego keeps getting bumped. Not sure what I’m going to do when the day comes I slip below them. Sadly accept them, do the old people gesticulations and complaints, and then keep at it however I can, I guess. What else can one do?

Since the last major knee operation, keeping up the energy and the activity has been a struggle. I’ll be rehabbing for a few more months, and while my orthopedic doctor has been surprised at how hard I’m working at it, I think he set the bar pretty low. I know I don’t have the same drive as I did on my last rehab five years ago. I want to think it’s mostly mental, that I’ll get past it. Get your ass out there every day, do the exercises, don’t give yourself a chance to say no, or get distracted, and all that. ‘Just do it!’, as the famous tag line says.

I like that quote attributed to Clint Eastwood, “Don’t let the old man in.” Don’t complain, don’t make excuses, just keep doing. I have to make more of an effort to deny that negative guy, to keep him out of my head. He hangs around the edges a lot and I don’t really care for the bastard. He’s a grump and not fun to be with. I notice he gets stronger when I have a bigger than normal obstacle in my way – like rehab.

Man, I am so tired of rehabs. I look at them as yet another effort trying to get back to where you were, trying just to regain the status quo. I don’t want to spend time regaining what I’ve lost, I want to be progressing! ‘Cuz only an old man doesn’t care about that!

Finding a new routine for retirement has also been challenging. I want buddies to be able to hang out with, arrange activities with, and do stuff. Everyone else is working. Interaction is crucial and not always easy to find. Maybe that’s me, but I find I’m not very good yet at getting to schedule stuff with people on a regular or repeating basis. Of course, it would probably help if I hung around town long enough to be available. Gotta’ get a grip on all that.

Am I getting preoccupied with all this? I want to tell myself I’m preoccupied with the fight, but I’m not really sure that’s true. If I’m being honest there’s a certain vanity/self-worth algorithm thing going on here. But then, to a certain extent, that’s partly what exercise and self-improvement and everything related to improved performance is about, isn’t it? The offshoot is you feel better about yourself, more confident and, therefore, less threatened by others. It all equates to being more open and accommodating, more helpful and, if you have the right stuff, a better teammate. Working to create your best self benefits you and everyone around you.

Of course, there’s a line where self-confidence rolls over into vanity and self-promotion, and humility gets lost in the process. We don’t often realize it, but I see vanity is an opposite of confidence, as I think it primarily stems from insecurity.

From my weight training experience that begs the question of an apparent dichotomy – are bodybuilders vain? I think most people would say yes, but I think it’s more complicated than that. I don’t quite know what to make of their reasoning, and I’ve been around plenty of them. Yes, they are definitely showing off, but to a serious bodybuilder it’s gone well beyond that. They are seeking the limits of mental and physical output. They believe one is inextricably tied to the other, and in the process of that inner contest they find something in themselves that helps them.

The humility side is also interesting. We sometimes mistake it in the timid, who don’t see themselves as worthy. Then there are those who are overly confident and always seeking glory for themselves. Self-promoters, who ultimately don’t trust others.

Where to we find the person who is truly humble, directing credit for success to others? I think they are the confident team player, one who believes in his place on the team and in those around him. Big or small, they see themselves as only a cog in the machine; important, but never indispensable. They’re confident in their own contributions, but realize they have people around them doing a lot of work.

Boy, it’s sure easy for me to get side-tracked. This feels like another stream of consciousness gone sideways.

So how does all that relate to my old age issue? Hang on, I’m working on that….

Fostering, and keeping, self-belief is not always easy. It’s a fragile state of mind, one I need to keep working at. I think I follow my Dad’s predisposition to be a worrier. I try to fight that, remembering 80% of what we worry about never comes to pass, that I’ve been given the tools to figure things out. That includes this old age thing. A state of mind, as they say. Okay, guess I’ll need some assistance to keep that going in the right direction. I think that’s where loved ones and friends come in. So, guys, can you step up here and give me the occasional hand? I’d really appreciate the help.

That gets me thinking about another thing we don’t do well – ask for help. Oh God, there I go again. Somebody stop me….