A Tale of Two Classes

I must be getting jaded in my old age. While we are having great family time here in Coeur d’Alene, I profess to being underwhelmed by the hospitality of where we are staying. Arrow Point is across the lake from the town of Coeur d’Alene and its famous resort. As part of the exclusive Gozzer Ranch Golf and Lake Club, our lakeside accommodations are an interesting amalgam of timeshare units and condominiums.

I say interesting because it became an alliance of necessity, not preference, when the timeshare and Gozzer rescued the developer by buying up all the units. That created, by my account, tension between two classes – the snooty Gozzers and the comparatively lowlife timeshare owners.

Now the Gozzer Ranch is not just some regular resort. For starters, it requires membership and it’s not cheap. $100 grand to join and about $20k a month in dues. Rustic luxury is the theme of high-end homes around the ranch. There’s a world class golf course, a marina stuffed with classic wooden runabouts and expensive ski & wake boats, tennis, swimming, pickleball, soccer, and of course, watersports. Classic, expensive, and kitschy autos litter the parking lots. Shuttles, both land and water, transport members around the area.

Celebrities who own homes or frequent here include Matthew McConaughey, Harry Styles, Alex Rodriguez, Wayne Gretzky, Kim Kardasian, Justin Bieber. Can you say exclusive? Sure. But you can also say people with attitude. I mean, come on. I’ve been around plenty of really well-off people. Real class means not having to show or act like you’ve got it.

But the ones who get me here are the employees. In their defense, my guess is they are only reflecting the requirements put upon them by the owners. Still, there’s a pervading attitude of haughty snobbishness.

The security guys act like we’re foreigners – sort of an accusatory, “What are you doing here?” Then I made the mistake of walking the “wrong way” from our boat back to the dock office. Instead of exiting at the marina border, walking all the way around and re-entering at the front entrance, I took the pier leading directly back. Before I even got there to pay, the dockmaster had radioed the front desk to lecture me about not using the marina piers. What, are you kidding?! You f’ers need to get a grip and relax.

Then, there’s my real pet peeve – daily moorage in the marina. Or, should I say, outside the marina because they won’t let us lowlife timeshare owners rent a day slip inside the boundary. And there are day slips along the sheltered parts of the marina. When I asked, the answer was, “No, too many people hit boats in the marina.” You gotta be kidding. I call baloney. How often does that happen in a marina with people who own a boat? If it happens at all, it’s a love tap followed by a sincere apology.

I don’t like the implication. Maybe they’re referring to those vacation people who rent party boats and don’t know jackshit. Well, gauge your audience. I obviously own my own, well-cared for boat. Does my boat look like I run around bashing into every nearby boat? Get real.

Instead, we are relegated to the outer side of the dock, where the wave action is brutal. To top it off, the dock cleats are undersized and improperly anchored, the decking is structurally suspect, and there’s no rubber bumper on the edge of the dock. Best of all, it’s $75/day for the privilege of using a sub-standard piece of crap dock. Oh, and they only take cash or check. Check? LOL.

I paid for our first day with $80 cash. They asked if I wanted change. Haha! Now that you asked, you bet I do. The implication a tip was due their indifferent behavior decided the issue for me. Yeah, I’ll always be getting my change from you jerks.

The public docks across the lake are nicer, better protected and less expensive. I’d gladly use those except they’re 40 minutes away by car, all the more irritating because it’s a 10-minute boat ride.

Where is the timeshare company in all this? For bailing these sorry asses out of their development crisis, some concessions should have been negotiated. Like, you know, a few dock slips and maybe even a few open tee times each week at their precious golf course. Instead, the timeshare barely takes the time to explain the whole situation and the potential consequences. I paid a lot of money for the right to be here. I deserve equal time and consideration.

Some of you may think, ‘Well, that’s because it’s a timeshare.’ Actually, that’s rarely the case. Most of our experiences are very good, and many of them are excellent and high class. This one is a sad exception.

So, that pretty much sums up our time here. Time on the lake itself was great. Swimming, lounging, inner tubing, exploring, with great weather. Our rooms were also very nice. And we played a couple rounds of golf that were a good time. But our time around the resort – a pain in the ass.

I love my family. We had a fabulous time together, and that overrides everything. As you might expect, they impress the hell out of me, and being on the boat was fantastic. I have been much less than impressed with the resort and the timeshare. When we leave on Friday, I get to tell them what I think. You can probably guess how that will go.