An Error in Judgement

It finally happened – I was paid a visit from the ‘Thought Police’ the other day. Some young hot-shot kid, probably in his early thirties, took it upon himself to chastise me in a threatening tone to “stop staring at people.” What?! After taking a second to realize what was happening, I told him to “F off.” He had already turned to walk away; I’m still trying to figure out what that meant.

Here’s some context. I’m vacationing outside Scottsdale, Arizona. Even on vacations I have this thing about regular exercise. So, I was paying a morning visit to a local gym. Now, outside of high-end collegiate athletic programs, this particular gym is probably the largest, most impressive place I have been. As part of my preoccupation with exercise and being a perfectionist, I have a resulting never ending curiosity about how people lift weights, what exercises they are doing and why. As a result, between sets I’m often looking around, silently critiquing other people’s techniques and how much they are lifting. To do that, you have to watch them. There’s a whole difference of intent between watching and staring. I confess it’s part curiosity, self-check, learning, ego, and sometimes admiration, even nostalgia. Watching some of the better ones reminds me how it felt to lift weights like that in my younger days. So yes, I watch what others are doing.

This guy must think because I’m watching women as much as men, I must be a pervert or something. Dude, don’t try to put your bad thoughts in my head. I don’t need or want them. And the unmitigated gall to presuppose what I might be thinking, and acting upon it, just angers me.

Without a vocalization or an action, it’s completely baffling how anyone can presume to know what others are thinking. They know nothing of our experiences, our phobias, our neuroticisms – and face it, we all have those. What any of us may be thinking in the multiple, transient cognitive states of our ever-active brains is always filtered by our civilized frontal lobe to separate thought from action. Thoughts harm no one; words and actions do. Thoughts do not infringe on anyone’s rights; actions do. Thoughts do not prevent anyone from conducting their own affairs.

To conclude what others are thinking and openly express a judgement is amazingly intolerant and self-absorbed. Get over yourself, your constant judging of others, and let others be alone with their thoughts. Concern about expressions of unacceptable behavior is simple enough to determine if people ask – talking with another is an amazingly effective way to gain understanding. But, it requires neutral engagement and getting to know someone. That requires a genuine concern, for someone we don’t know even, and requires us to become involved. Fewer people want that these days. We are becoming ever more self-concerned and myopic, less forgiving and empathetic. I think we are confusing judgement for involvement. It’s an easy way to feign interest, without having to act upon it.