Car Journalists Are Silly People

What is it with auto magazines, bloggers and journalists? Unlike most ‘news people,’ car columnists are paid to have opinions. For the most part, that’s fine because we want to know what they think about the cars they drive. But I have to wonder why nearly all of them seem to look to find things wrong with certain brands. One in particular stands out to me – Aston Martin. The stuff they manage to come up with is borderline pathetic. Seriously, I think there’s relatively widespread bias against this company.

Sure, I get it, no car is perfect. But it appears the only group who apparently understands Aston Martin are the British. Okay, throw in a smattering of Europeans, Japanese and Americans, too. They produced about 7,000 cars last year. That’s a good number for them, but they want to regularly crack 10,000. They’ve got a ways to go, but there is a plan. They have goals and their cars are getting better with every new model.

Okay, I’m not really sure what better means. I haven’t driven any of the new models for an extended time. By all appearances they are getting more competitive, selling more cars and working to become a perennially profitable manufacturer. Those are major goals for a boutique auto builder who doesn’t have the deep pockets of a rich parent. Lamborghini, Bentley, Rolls Royce, Maserati, and until recently Ferrari, are really nothing more than divisions of much bigger car companies, namely the likes of BMW, Volkswagen and Fiat. It doesn’t get to borrow chassis’s and parts from mommy like the rest of the industry.

So, why do car guys nitpick them? Really, I don’t know. Their build and finish quality have been superior to the Italians for some time. Their engines are less high strung and lower maintenance than those from the southern boot, and their styling is unique and always among the most beautiful cars on the road. In the past we have heard complaints like “the ergonomics don’t quite work” or, “there are too many buttons,” or “they’re using the outdated Mercedes infotainment system.” Seriously?

One of my favorites is how they complain about the manual shift levers. “The gearshift knob is too far aft,” or “the gearshift knob is too bulky,” or “the gearshift knob looks too ordinary, like a Toyota,” or “why do they have a dogleg 7-speed manual – I hate it!” You hate it because you don’t know how to drive, dumb ass. I bet you said the same thing about 3-on-the-tree. Oh wait, you’re too young to even know what that was, aren’t you? Some of you even complained the 6-speed Graziano transmission was “too notchy.” What, are you nuts?! Properly driven those Graziano’s are like driving silk. Hit the shift points, use the right tempo and you won’t even feel the gear changes.

So which is it boys, is the gearshift too big or too small? Is it too in-your-face or too ordinary? You don’t like the billet aluminum one but you don’t like the leather-covered or alcantara-covered ones either. Who do you ever hear complain about the gear shift lever in any other car? It’s essentially immaterial to the car’s performance. These are things idiosyncratic to every car and part of the craft of driving. Every driver acclimates to every car, even car’s of the same model.

There is one thing I haven’t heard them complain about and that’s the toe box. Because there’s nothing to complain about. Those Italian cars have offset and/or crowded toe boxes, but you never hear anybody complaining about those. So where’s the equal time, boys?

The reason we love to drive these cars is because they have not one, but several unique things about them. For one, they’re rolling works of art. They have great performance and fill their intended niche. You writer-types want to pit them against Ferrari’s or Porsches or Bentleys. What about Maserati? In my view, they kick the Maserati’s butt. Yes, they do compete for some of the same buyers. But everyone tries to get a driver to their side by being a little different. I don’t want three shades of vanilla.

You go out of your way to love the Ferrari, ‘for all its quirks’ you say, but refuse to tolerate any imperfections an Aston may impose upon your faint little notion of preconceptions. You always want to pit the GT road characteristics of an Aston against the track-focus of a Porsche on, you guessed it, a closed race track. We know who’s going to win that one. Big mystery. And, strange as it may seem, damn few people ever drive their car on a race track. I know – shocker. The Porsche and the Aston are not intended to be the same car, although recently both have tried to blur the line a bit.

I rarely see Astons pitted against Bentleys or Mercedes (I’m not a fan. I think they’re overrated and there’s a zillion of them). From a grand touring car perspective they court a similar customer. Still, they are all different for a reason. They want to be unique, exude character, exhibit individual taste. In that regard, there is no beating an Aston. Nothing comes close. Still, I remember (and still hear it occasionally) how all Astons look alike. What, are you serious? You’re obviously not looking very closely. Every brand has a ‘design language.’ That’s a major factor in how we identify them.

No one complains how Porsche 911s have looked essentially the same for over 50 years – fifty years! That’s a Checker Marathon for Christ sakes! Oh, I forgot. You’re too young to remember those. And they had those silly 3-on-the-tree shift levers, too. Plus, no one complains how all Porsche sports car models look the same. Stop whining and start enjoying these cars for what they are. Pick on something meaningful to bitch about, not the niggly little things people will get used to without much notice.

Now, the infotainment system gripes about using the old gen Mercedes system? Yeah, I get that. Never liked that system when it was new, but damn few journalists complained about it when it was in a Mercedes. How come? I have noticed a few of you blokes actually praising Aston’s integration of the new Mercedes infotainment.

In the Aston it makes sense to have switches and dials do many of the to-hand functions, rather than trying to drive while diving through layers of infotainment options with a touchscreen, and still not finding what you need. So many cars do that these days. Seriously not user-friendly, and the carmakers don’t seem to care. Pitiful. The Aston lets you get things done and go back to concentrating on why you have one – to enjoy the driving of it!

All of the sudden “too many buttons” is a positive trait instead of the negative one you complained about a few years back.

Aston is working with limited resources here. It’s always been imaginative in using parts from the bins of other manufacturers. Ford, Mercedes, Volvo, Land Rover are just a few. For some reason, people think it’s sacrilege. I say more power to them. You’ve got to cut development and procurement costs somewhere, because you certainly don’t have economies of scale to compete with any of the other builders.

So, all you smug journalist types, get off your high horses and get real. Talk about the stuff that really matters, like engine reliability, scheduled maintenance costs, dealer networks and services. Talk about the fun stuff like how the exhaust sounds, or the quality of the leather and interior finishing, or yes, the intoxicating smell of those cowhides. You don’t get anything close to that in a Porsche, or a Lambo, or a Mercedes. And for crying out loud, learn how to shift a manual before you go off critiquing something you aren’t even close to mastering.

There. I said it. A lot of it. But, don’t worry. There’s more where that came from ’cause these guys just can’t stop being stupid.