The Golden Gift of Friendship

Everyone needs friends. If you’re lucky, you have a few true friends, who stand by you no matter how hard things get. Henry Thoreau wrote at length about friendship. A segment of his book, A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers, was devoted to it. I used to read it aloud and discuss it with one of my greatest teachers, Brad Folensbee.

Thoreau wrote that, “We are sometimes made aware of a kindness long passed, and realize that there have been times when our Friends’ thoughts of us were of so pure and lofty a character that they passed over us like the winds of heaven unnoticed; when they treated us not as what we were, but as what we aspired to be.”

Ever had a thought like that – a friend thought more of you than you of yourself? I have. My wife has done that for me. It seems if we are true to ourselves, we admit they are usually telling us something or treating us with a quality we know in our hearts we possess. Sometimes modesty damages us, tilting our self-assessment in a direction that shorts our life vision.

I once told my father I wanted to join the Air Force and become a pilot. He responded in typical dad fashion, telling me 98% of the people in flight school never make it far enough to fly a fighter. I don’t know if that’s true, but it had the desired effect. I scrapped that dream and moved on. I used to wonder what life would be like had I taken that path. Certainly, it would have been different, but would I have still ended up an aerospace engineer and become an entrepreneur?

I think generally you can’t deny your tendencies, your pre-disposed directions. Your interests bear out and direct you. You’re only limited by your courage, integrity and perseverance, all of which define you. Friends know and see your potential. At times it is their vision of us we should aspire to, rather than our own.

I also like two other Thoreau thoughts about friends when he wrote, “Friendship is evanescent in every man’s experience, and remembered like heat lightning in past summers.” And, “The heart is forever inexperienced.”

Friends seem to come and go with the years, the decades. Our time, place and experience seem to define and present those opportunities, and few friends stand the test of time even if the heart is willing. Proximity is an important part of the staying power.

As the years roll on and friendships come, go, or endure, I am reminded of memories and reflect on many of the friendships that have graced my life. I often wonder if I ever graced their lives as much as they graced mine. There is probably no relationship I have had where there were actions I have taken or words I have said I wish I could have back. As we’re all fallible human beings I’m guessing they feel the same. The recklessness and irreverence of youth has probably paid a price on most of our friendships at one time or another. But much more than that, there is always something only a particular person in a particular time can offer or, in reverse, that a group of friends can bring forth from me. Those are such wonderful, lovely gifts.

C.S. Lewis said, “In each of my friends, there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.” And that can be why small groups of friends are so enlightening, so fun.

In the end, I have the greatest of respect and gratitude for those who took the time and effort to befriend me. Thank you all. I can’t help but think how little and small-minded we become without friends. Truly, one of the greatest gifts we can give each other.

If you want to read a wonderful tearjerker about friendship, this is a good one: I’m 28. He’s 85. Our time together has taught me a valuable lesson about friendship (msn.com)