The Road Not Taken

I saw the quote from Robert Frost’s famous poem again the other day. I can’t remember where, exactly, but this time it struck a chord beyond just an intellectual rumination in a poem; it made me think of the real choices we make every day and where they end up taking us; and who makes them, and why. Written more than a century ago, it has proved its timeless reflection:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Later that night I awoke thinking about it. There is the road of the everyman, and the road every man wishes he had taken. There are tertiary paths that meander back and forth between the two; choices emerging as constant as the sun, as numerous as the days we live. We can switch back and forth, non-committal and undecided. But if we dillydally too long the path disappears, or we convince ourselves it’s too difficult to pass. Then what? Do we resign ourselves to the path we have chosen, or do we still have the courage to venture onto those other paths still presenting themselves?

As we seek balance in our lives these paths become more difficult to recognize and, once found, more contemplative to take. Our paths begin to set themselves. Family, homes, careers – those societal constructs most of us long to build to feel connected and fulfilled also create a quicksand, binding our feet and minds from freely moving unencumbered by convention, constraints, responsibility.

I’ve always had trouble articulating the conundrum of selfishness and selflessness, of giving to ourselves or of ourselves; the act of self-love or giving a piece of ourselves to others – the act of love or being in-love. The balance between acts for the self and acts for others. Where is that line? It seems to be always moving, depending on where our conscience is taking us.

I often wonder how selfless famous people are. How much do athletes recognize the contributions of others to their success; how much quality time do CEOs really spend with their families building loving relationships? Does their ambition trump everything else – relationships, love, relaxation, laughter, adventure, experiencing the world? Is their self-worth wrapped up in their success, or is their success the experience of a life fully lived, fully enjoyed? Is their only satisfaction from competition, from accomplishing what others cannot or do not do? Recognition, fame for being the best at something – is that all there is? Even the preoccupation of always wanting to commit selfless acts is an imbalance of character. Should we not be seeking to find the ultimate moments of peace where the love of others converges and melds with the love of the self? Is it possible to be in that place, that moment for long periods?

Taking the road less traveled opens us to adventure, to slaying the fear that naturally resides in us when we step forward and seek a new path. Seeking to know, to experience replaces fear with excitement to learn and the reward knowing we have grown. The more we practice stepping onto those new paths, the less hesitant we become to keep doing it. Success may be nothing more than placing ourselves on that road, the success road. There are bumps and bruises along the way, but it’s an adventure worth traveling.

Bringing our loved ones with us on the journey is where the balance comes in. Be engaged with them, seek to help them see what you are learning, communicate and express what you are feeling. Be part of each other; experience each other’s paths and take turns following and leading. That’s how I want to be part of the lives of others and how I want to have them experience the joy of being part of mine.