The Value of Family
Mother’s Day is always a great time to think about family dynamics – the good, the bad, the ugly; the gratitude, the angst, the neuroses. It’s all in there, jumbled up in some glorpy soup of relationships and life lessons. I’m grateful and thankful for mine. I realize that may be the exception rather than the rule, and that recognition makes me even more thankful.
If you’ve read some of the other posts on this blog, you know I idolized my mom. Just an incredible woman. That never made me a moma’s boy, because for one she never would have tolerated that. It also doesn’t keep me from recognizing what she did for us and that she pretty much loved every minute of being a mom and a grandmother. Just as my wife, Janice, loves being a mom, too.
Three years ago, Janice decided she wanted to start what is becoming a Mother’s Day tradition – mom goes golfing with her three sons. If one of them can’t make it (for some really good reason), then I get to stand in. That happened last weekend when I got to take Ryan’s place while he was out of town coaching at a basketball tournament. I can see why she likes doing this. It’s outdoors, the weather is usually good, it’s fun and you get to interact, converse, celebrate, joke and have a good time for a few hours. No one to interrupt or spoil the fun. A relaxed, good time, followed by a nice lunch afterwards. A great way to spend a day.
So good, in fact, the boys and I started doing the same thing last year for my birthday and/or Father’s Day. Finding things to do that allow you all to relax while also being distracted by some loosely related activity is a great way to get together. BBQs and picnics and such are great fun as long as you all get along, but combining that kind of interaction with doing something can create diversions to keep things from going the wrong way. Thankfully, we don’t have that problem, but we know families have their differences.
This past nine months, what with the death of my mother, a close friend, and four colleagues in a work-related airplane crash, things have been more than a little unsettling and chaotic. So, this year we decided to combine three birthdays into a single celebration. I think it’s a really good one. We rented a suite at T-Mobile Park to enjoy the company of 40 friends and loved ones while we watch a Seattle Mariner’s baseball game, have catered food and drink and celebrate two of my son’s birthdays as well as my own. Their birthdays are a day apart; I’m the laggard as I’ve technically already had mine. No big. The idea of all of us together is the part I can’t wait for.
While I have always valued family, my siblings and I have not always been as close as we could have been. We all have very different ideas and priorities. Ultimately though, they spring from the genes and personalities of our family legacy. So, we still have common ground; sometimes we just have to work a bit harder to find and nurture it. And, of course, we’re not always synchronized in that mindset. Still, when there are problems we rally around each other. My mother’s illness is a great example. Everyone pitched in and volunteered to do things to support her. Just another mark of a great woman.
Back to the upcoming birthday party. It’s such a simple celebration, a birthday. As we get older, I know some people don’t wish to recognize the day or themselves for the achievement. Simply surviving is an achievement, and one I am happy to acknowledge because the alternative isn’t what I’m aiming for! I’m excited to be around friends and my family. I so enjoy being with my wife and boys. We have had so many great adventures together. I want to keep experiencing more of them. Doesn’t matter if we’ve done it before or it’s completely new, the act of being together and doing will be my goal right up until I’m gone.
Family is the foundation and ground zero of society. Without strong family, our sense of belonging, caring, loving and being loved is challenged. So for all of you and yours, I wish you those same great kinds of days each and every year. And Happy Birthday!
