Single Women Need to Get a Grip

Okay, this is going to take a while. I’m really angry about this. Maybe upset is a better word, because the whole situation is very disturbing. I’m concerned people are admitting defeat, particularly women. Yes, this is about the sexes and how they are not working on having relationships with each other.

On the men’s side, I think it’s more to do with frustration that women are unrealistic, too demanding. Their expectations are too high. It’s not that men aren’t trying – it’s that women are giving up.

Women think their potential partners should comply with all their expectations – romantic, ambitious, and not just tolerant but supportive of all their wants and needs. It’s all about women and what they want. There’s no thought a relationship might need to be based on mutual respect and compromise. Yeah, sorry, you’re not going to be able to evade that one – compromise.

Perfectionists and ambitious types don’t like compromise. Women have been taught they don’t need to, that they can have everything they want, including a family – just eliminate that inconvenient male-factor. Who needs them anyway?

Well, I hate to tell you, but your children will. They’re going to need the balance that comes from two parents of different sex. They will need to see differing styles and examples of empathy, nurturing, courage, integrity, communication, commitment, love, dealing with adversity, resolve, persistence, ambition, and the fulfillment of dreams. They need those comparisons that come from males and females, how each sex handles and expresses emotions, challenges, and how they work together as a team.

I don’t care who you are or think you are, a single parent family unit is not as effective an environment for raising well-adjusted children as two-parent families. There are lots of studies out there that confirm it. So, women, get your act together and scale back your expectations – they’re NOT realistic. You can’t have it all. Compromise and sacrifice are part of life. Get used to it. Relationships are part of being human. Deleting half the human race from your life because they are genetically different from you isn’t a solution that bodes well for either our improvement or continued existence as a species.

What brings on my sudden concern and ranting? For starters, it’s not sudden. Read my post from a couple years ago, “Disassembling the American Male.” The trigger for today’s rant is a Wall Street Journal article, “American Women Are Giving Up on Marriage,” by female reporter Rachel Wolfe. I can’t read the whole article in one sitting; it’s too upsetting.

A fair amount of disturbing data is quoted in the article. Over half of single women think they’re happier than married women, only a third of single men felt the same; only a third of single women are looking for romance compared to 54% of single men; men are more likely to say they’re worried nobody will want to date them.

Say, what?! If you’re old enough, these are reversals of responses from baby boomers, my generation. The percentage of these responses are trending towards women isolating themselves from the opposite sex. How is that good or healthy? I think it’s due to several interrelated factors.

Less personal satisfaction is related to less interaction on a face-to-face basis, a higher level of judging and less staying in the moment, too much emphasis on labels, less empathy. All this encourages narcissism – it’s about me before anyone else. All these self-satisfied women don’t know what they’re missing; they’ve lost the whole point of hormone-charged relationships, of biology. Those ‘old-fashioned’ thoughts cause you to think, to question everything about yourself, to make you want to be better, do better.

Strangely, there’s a wonderful phenomenon when you do things for others – the sense of satisfaction releases a chemical change in our bodies that increases our sense of happiness, joy, self-image. We not only feel better about others, but about ourselves. Love makes us better people.

Acts of empathy and kindness create a ripple effect. Those acts are observed by others, and it makes them feel good, too. The ripple of kindness and good deeds is a wave that radiates out from you and envelopes others. It starts with those closest to you and those whom you should be working to draw to you. Withdrawal and isolation, quitting on entertaining possibilities and yes, failures, is a concession to giving up, to checking out. I see all these people giving up. They’re scared. Chickens. Cluck-cluck.

They need to re-double their commitment to themselves by committing to relationships with the opposite sex. Girlfriends aren’t the answer. Beauty isn’t recognized or appreciated without experiencing ugliness. Loyalty and love isn’t appreciated without experiencing betrayal and loneliness.

You won’t find the perfect person. We all have baggage, shortcomings, and faults. Stop looking for the perfect guy; he isn’t out there. Two-thirds of all divorces are filed by women. They expect too much, more than can be given. Expect that and you will always be disappointed. Find someone kind, empathetic, honest, emotionally strong; someone who thinks like you on most things, who has common interests, someone with whom you can establish a strong connection. See where it leads. That man may surprise you with more than you ever expected.

Take good people and good things as they come, as they present themselves. Remember a man with strength, resolve and integrity will stand by you no matter what. They exist, but like you the ones that do will have a mind of their own. You’ll be the richer for accommodating them, just as they will be richer for accommodating you. Just think, you might actually love them for it.